Losing My Religion
by rockstar geek
Summary: Their past is unforgettable. Their future will be tumultuously memorable. Their rationalities will tell them to leave it behind but something else will tell them to fight to find that untouchable playhouse that they once built on sacred ground. NH AU
1. Chapter 1

If there's no one beside you  
When your soul embarks  
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see  
From Bangkok to Calgary  
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down  
The time for sleep is now

Death Cab For Cutie

_She sat on the edge of the dark water waiting for him. Every couple of seconds, she would check behind her to see if he was coming. He was late, like always. She was waiting for him, like always. There were some things that never changed. _

_The sounds of grass crinkling underneath his feet caused her heart to begin beating faster. She was glad that it was dark because then maybe he wouldn't see the sort of control that he had over her. She couldn't help but smile as he sat down next to her. _

_She glanced at him briefly from the sides noticing how pretty the moonlight reflected on his face. His features seemed darker than they normally were but she wasn't alarmed. This was Nathan. Her best friend. Her confidante. Her protector._

_At that moment, she felt so much older than she really was. Haley was 12 that year. Nathan was 14. _

_Even at such a young age, she was able to recognize and handle the emotions of others. She was naïve enough to sometimes put the needs of others over her own. Whether she knew it or not, that was exactly what she was doing right now. _

"_Are you all packed yet, Nate?" she asked calmly._

_She wasn't exactly sure how it was possible for her to be this calm. All she wanted to do was scream, cry and throw a fit if it would get him to stay. All she wanted to do was hold onto him so that he could never leave. But she knew better than this. She would have to stay strong. He needed her to stay strong. _

_And so she put on a smile and refused to let him know how sad she really was._

_He was leaving her but this was something that she was used to. Every summer, Nathan would come to Tree Hill until the beginning of the new school year. As the warm air becomes cooler and the leaves start turning warm colors, he leaves. Sometimes, especially when summer is about to begin and his return grows near, Haley becomes nervous and restless. She worries that he has changed. She worries that he isn't her friend anymore the way he used to be. She sometimes even worries that he won't come back because he's found something worth staying for in New York with his mother, Deb. Every year she worries and every year he proves that she tends to overreact. _

"_Yeah. I finished just now. But I don't really want to go."_

_She smiles sadly. He says this every year even though sometimes she wishes he didn't have to. Haley already knew and things like this were better left unspoken._

"_Your mom misses you though. You have to go back to her."_

_Nathan puts his arm around her shoulder and places a gentle kiss on Haley's forehead. They stay like this for awhile, relishing in the feel of each other's body. They might have been young but Nathan and Haley were old enough to recognize the sort of unique and undeniable comfort and warmth that would emerge whenever they were in each other's presence. Neither of them had experienced anything like this before yet they knew it was special._

"_Are you sure you're really only 12?"_

_Haley laughs and Nathan looks at her adoringly, admiring the way her eyes lit up. Their age difference has always been a running joke especially since she was always the responsible good girl while he was the reckless mischievous trouble maker. They go together better than anyone else they know. _

"_Nathan, you are well aware that girls mature earlier than boys."_

_Nathan rolls his eyes. "James, are you calling me immature?  
_

_She smiles widely, "So what if I am? What are you gonna do about it, Scott?"_

_A flicker of mischief appears in his eyes. She notices this and feels even more captivated by him. This was the side of Nathan that Haley loved most. He wouldn't be the same Nathan Scott that she knew if he wasn't always finding some way or another to get them both into trouble. _

"_You can either start running now or you can apologize," he says, crossing his arms seriously. Or at least he tries to be as serious as he can. But it was kind of hard to take him seriously when there was no intent of wrongdoing or malice in his eyes. All Haley saw was contentment. And something else that she couldn't quite place. _

_Haley stands her ground, refusing to do neither. It wasn't in her nature to run away, which was something that he knew very well. Haley was stubborn and headstrong, which proved to clash with many of Nathan's own, slightly annoying personality traits._

_Instead of doing as he says, Haley tilts her head to observe him better. As a child, he used to fascinate her endlessly. She used to watch him a lot when we were younger, a habit that Haley was regressing back to now._

"_There's something different about you, Nate. Something has changed. What is it?"_

"_You're crazy."_

"_No, I'm not. You know I'm not crazy. I know you better than anyone."_

_Ever since she was 7 and he was 9, they were the connected at the hip. They didn't become best friends until years later but at an early age, they were always together. It was mainly due to the influence on Nathan's half-brother Lucas, who was her best friend ever since they were playground playmates. But her friendship with Nathan was very different from her friendship with Lucas, which was something that they both recognized and noted with curiosity._

_Nathan refused to answer her question. Maybe because he knew she was always right. There was something changing in him even though it was a difficult change to comprehend. Ever since he was little, basketball had been his passion. Even though he still loved basketball, there was something different about how that ball felt in his hands now compared to before._

"_I want to try out for a spot on the basketball team when I get back to New York," Nathan explains. It was a vague answer but Haley accepted it nonetheless. _

_Haley's eyes lit up. She knew how much Nathan loved basketball. Besides for his family and friends, basketball was the only other driving factor in his life. She knew how special the subject was to him._

"_The only reason why you wouldn't get the spot is if you were competing against Kobe Bryant or Magic Johnson."_

_Haley manages to surprise him for maybe the millionth time since they have known each other. She was always full of surprises._

"_How do you know who Magic Johnson or Kobe Bryant is?"_

"_Lucas tries to brainwash me sometimes."_

"_Lucas only wants the best for you," I say teasingly._

_She scoffs. "Yeah, you would think so especially since you and Luke both think that what is 'best for me' is becoming a total tomboy who only watches ESPN all day."_

_Nathan laugh. He does that a lot when he's around her._

"_Well considering how your two best friends are boys, you already are a tomboy, Hales."_

_Nathan expected her to argue. But she didn't. Instead, she just wraps her tiny arms around me. It catches him off-guard but he acts out of reflex and hugs her back. She was so little that he was always scared of crushing her. But the funny thing was that she was equally capable of crushing him, even if it wasn't by physical force. _

"_I'm going to miss you, Nate."_

_Nathan is going to miss her too. But he doesn't say it out loud because she already knows this. Instead he just tightens his grip on her. He didn't want to think about leaving in the morning. He didn't want to think about the new school year. He didn't want to think about her and Luke, his two best friends in this world, hundreds of miles in Tree Hill while he was stuck in New York._

_And when he was with her, Nathan found that he didn't have to think about any of those things._

* * *

Haley James stared back at her reflection in the mirror, marveling at how different she was. She wasn't a little girl anymore. 

Five years have definitely made its mark on her. She wasn't twelve anymore. Her hair was much longer now. When she was younger, it was a strawberry blonde shade which had darkened over the years to honey shade of blonde.

If she had been a tomboy as a kid, no one would have been able to guess it now. Her body, like everything else about her, was flawless. Guy wanted her in their beds while girls wanted to know her exercise secrets. They had to reason with themselves that a body that perfect could only happen to someone who spends a ridiculous amount of time in the gym. Haley James did take good care of her body, always being sure to stay healthy and nutritious. A couple of times a week, she would go out for a run with her best friends, Brooke and Peyton. But otherwise, exercise was kept to a bare minimum. She didn't tell anyone this because she was already envied enough by all the other girls in school.

It wasn't just her looks, even though the years have been good to her. She was by far, one of the prettiest girls in Tree Hill. Granted, Tree Hill was a fairly small town but she would have been one of the prettiest girls anywhere outside of Tree Hill as well.

Her close bond with Lucas Scott, who like Haley, had aged handsomely, only sparked the jealousy that many girls had for her. Her best friends were the other two prettiest girls in school. They were the Golden Foursome of One Tree Hill, the high school that all four of them went to. They were hated and adored. And they could all care less. High school wasn't an institution where they could show off their power and influence. They didn't need the fame or the recognition. They were above all of that insipid high school drama, which was something that made them easy to hate.

Clad in a thin satin robe, Haley crossed her leg, causing her bare thigh to be revealed. As she heard her door open, she made no attempt to cover it up.

"We're going to be late for school," her best friend Lucas said as he strolled casually into her room.

Though she was still half-dressed, he wasn't fazed in the least. They were comfortable with each other in ways that would have crossed the boundaries of any normal friendship. But their friendship was far from normal, which was something that could be said about their individual selves as well.

Haley applied a thin layer of moisturizer on her face, while watching him in her mirror as he laid down on her already made bed.

"As if any of our teachers will care if we're late."

"Aren't we cocky in the morning?"

"You would know, wouldn't you? You're the cockiest person I know," Haley responds teasingly.

"Oh that's because I certainly am the best ever."

Haley laughs as she applies mascara onto her long, thick eyelashes. Satisfied with her reflection, Haley stands up from her vanity and heads over to her walk-in closet.

"I never know how you manage to find anything in there. You have enough clothes in there to dress a small country."

From within her closet, Haley drops her robe, revealing her in only lingerie. Her demeanor changes from demure, natural beauty to a dangerous seductress.

As she steps out from her closet, Lucas feels his breath catch in his throat as he marvels at her perfect curves. Her tan body always proved to be entertaining to him. It was so wrong but he didn't care. He found it hard to care especially when her supple breasts were threatening to spill out of her white lace bra and her matching panties that revealed the most perfect ass that he's ever seen.

"Are you inferring that I'm messy?" she asks seductively.

Lucas makes himself comfortable on her bed, watching her as she exudes pure sexuality in front of him. He was excited like any man should be if they were in his situation but he keeps his cool. It was always a game between the two of them that only made the end results more satisfying.

"I find that the word 'cluttered' is more fitting when describing your closet, actually."

"You know what I think to be fitting, Lucas?" I ask, smiling slowing like a Cheshire cat.

I watch as he struggles to keep his eyes on my face even though I notice as his eyes linger for a second on my half-naked body.

I walk over to where he is laying on my bed and straddle him, noticing immediately his need for me. I can smell his distinctive scent of cigarettes and aftershave mixed with his minty breath and I feel my body weakening but I don't give him the pleasure. I never liked to give in first.

"What?" he asks, taking advantage of our positions to grab my ass from underneath me before deciding to rest his strong arms around my hips.

His hard-on continues to grow as I begin to grind against him and I know it's only time before he gives in to me.

"I think it's quite… 'fitting' how good it is when your…dick is fitted into me," I say, making the effort to undo his belt and stroke his erection through his pants as I answer him. I was daring him to turn me down.

Lucas blinks. I feel his warm breath on my neck and I close my eyes to prepare for his lips to touch my body. Suddenly, out on nowhere, he decides to push me off.

I bite my lip to hide my smile as our positions are switched and I'm the one who is now laying on the bed watching as he takes off his shirt and begins to walk over to my door.

I admire his sculpted and muscular back as he locks my door. My parents were never home and he knew that. He was only teasing me, which was slightly working, as my heart began to beat faster when he turned around to reveal the toned, smooth muscular body that I enjoyed so much.

"Come here," I say, demanding him to come closer. He doesn't hesitate

I decided that I didn't want to play anymore. I was growing more and more impatient and the game was only getting in the way.

I slowly spread my legs as he comes closer watching the way he hungrily eyes my already throbbing wetness. Lucas wastes no time. He pulls me towards him, kissing my lips, devouring it angrily with his own lips.

My dark burgundy nails dig into his back as I feel his tongue leaving its mark on my cleavage. I begin to grind against him harder, the lust building with every touch. He takes his time in removing my bra while slowly massaging my breast.

Not being able to take it anymore, I shift positions so that I am on the top. I nibble on his ear in the spot that drives him mad with lust before I begin to make my way down to his under regions.

"You were working out today," I state while stroking him hardly. He grinds himself into my hands.

"I couldn't really sleep last night. I've been kind of stressed lately," he manages to reply.

Like I said before, we knew each other inside and out. From previous experiences we have learned that we were much better as friends. We understood each other better than anyone else but we also understood that as a couple, we were horrible. So we settled on just being friends. Friends who were able to confide in each other while being intimate at the same time.

We weren't ashamed of our physical attraction for each other but we also knew that many people would disapprove of our intimate relations so it was always something that stayed in each our respective bedrooms. Figuratively speaking, of course.

"Well, they say there's nothing better for relieving stress than fucking your best friend's brains out," I say.

He laughs and pulls me in for a kiss while using his hands to massage my opening. He inserts his fingers and expertly teases me until he finds the spot that makes me lose control.

This time, replacing his fingers with something equally satisfying, Lucas begins to thrust himself in to me. I match each of his thrusts halfway and I moan into his mouth, wanting even more of him. This seems to ignite a rather feverish reaction in him as he grabs on to ass and begins to come at me even harder. I bury my hands into his hair before pulling him into another mind blowing kiss. My tongue is battling with his, as I am pushed even closer to the edge.

Gripping on to Lucas' back, I take the time to ponder why our relationship never would have worked out. In the past, I blamed it on our friendship. It was never because if we ended up breaking up, our relationship would have been tainted. No, I was never worried about that. The bonds that we have formed from childhood was much too strong for even the concepts of betrayal, pain, hurt, and lies that are associated with a bad relationship to tear apart. The problem was more on the lines on the actual depth of our close bond. It made the relationship too convenient and safe for our own liking. As much as I hated it, we would have realized this if we continued on making that huge mistake.

There was nothing wrong with our arrangement. We knew better than to get emotionally attached. It wasn't something that occurred out of desperation. We never used each other intentionally for anything. I reasoned that it was better that he stayed with me than with some other whore.

And so we continued on with this until something else would come along and take us away from each other.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Just so you guys know, Nathan is a year older than Luke and two years older than Haley. There hasn't been any young Lucas in the flashbacks yet but they'll start coming, I promise. Also, I was reading the first chapter again because someone brought up the point of how it was confusing with all of the changes in perspective (thanks a lot ! ) so I kind of took the time to reedit it and what not. It won't be that much different but it should be less confusing. Read it if you have time. So yeah, this is the next chapter. Hope you guys like it & please review at the end!

Chapter 2:

She rides the night next to me  
She leads me through moonlight  
Only to burn me with the sun  
She's taken my heart  
But she doesn't know what she's done

-Patrick Swayze

_She waited for him the next summer. She waited because she knew that however late he was, he always showed. Nathan Scott had never disappointed her before. She waited and he never came. The first day, she didn't sleep at all. There was something troubling about the way she was already losing sleep over this boy. _

_Finally, after almost a week of waiting, Haley woke up one morning and heard his voice downstairs. She smiled to herself. She knew Nathan would never disappoint her. He made her angry a lot of the times. He made her laugh. But he never made her sad. That was something that she could count on. Her heart began racing, which was due to a mixture of excitement and anticipation. She always got excited whenever he was nearby._

_She was thirteen and he was fifteen. By now, it was evident that they were growing into very attractive people. His facial features were growing stronger by the day. His hair was darker and his eyes were getting lighter than they already were. She, on the other hand, was experiencing changes to her body that caught the attention of anyone who was capable of receiving an erection. She flaunted it proudly. Her friendship with Lucas and the guys had made her anything but shy. _

_He noticed her the second he caught a glimpse of honey colored locks appear in the kitchen. He was in the middle of a conversation with one of her brothers but the second he saw her, he forgot what she was saying. In the past school year, she had grown even more beautiful than she already was. He admired her confidence and maturity that he couldn't even find with girls who were his age. Haley was always years above her time._

_The second she saw him, her face broke into a huge smile. She ran into his arms, clinging on for dear life. She had been scared that he wasn't going to show. _

_Haley was in such a hurry to greet him that she missed the unreadable expression in his eyes. It was only when she pulled back that she caught the expression on Nathan's increasingly handsome face. _

_All she needed to do was to look at his face to know that there was something wrong with him. As if noticing her scrutiny, Nathan looked away from her. He sat back down and refused to look at her._

"_What's wrong? Look at me, Nate."_

_After a while, he finally looked up at her and she knew just by looking at him the answer to her question._

"_You're not staying with us this summer."_

_Nathan paused, considering whether or not it was necessary to answer her question directly. He decided against it. She obviously already knew. Sometimes Haley had this knack for being able to read his thoughts. It was one of the things that made their bond so strong. _

"_In two weeks, I'm going to camp."_

_Haley's hopes began to soar. This was something that she could deal with._

"_Well, where are you going? I can talk to my parents and I can convince them to let me go too. And we'll even get Lucas to go so it'll be just like old times."_

"_It's an all boy's camp. Believe me, Hales, if I had it my way it would at least be a co-ed basketball camp. That way, it would be a win-win situation for both of us because not only would you be able to come with me, you could even learn how to play since we both know that you absolutely suck."_

_Normally, Haley would have either laughed or throw back some kind of comeback but she couldn't find the strength to at the moment. All she could think about was how much this summer was going to suck without him._

"_Since when did you ever become interested in camps? For as long as I've known you you have never gone to camp. What did you do, Nate? Is this because of school because I told you that you had to start concentrating for so you wouldn't have to go to summer school. I can call your mom and tell her that I will tutor you?" Haley demanded, speaking at a pace so fast that was hard for her to even comprehend. She does this when she's nervous or anxious or sometimes. Nathan knew better than to interrupt her when she started rambling. _

"_No, I chose to go to camp."_

"_You're so annoying when you refuse to elaborate on your answers like that. I swear, you're doing it on purpose just to drive me nuts."_

"_Well, I would tell you more if you would just let me."_

_Haley stayed quiet. She knew she was being unreasonable and that she should be grateful that he was so understanding. Damn him for being so perfect for her. Damn him for leaving. _

"_It's an all-boys basketball camp. It's called Youth High Flyers and it's for freshmen and sophomores in high school who show an extraordinary amount of potential for the NBA. Only the best players get invited to this camp. I didn't want to go at first but my mom and dad wouldn't let me turn down the opportunity."_

_Now it's Haley's turn to refuse making eye contact with Nathan. It's taking a while for her to fully understand what he is saying but she gets it. This is him pursuing his dreams. Haley knew how important basketball was to her best friend. She wasn't going to be the only person who refused to support him for her personal motives. She was also not going to be the only person who wasn't happy for him. If Nathan were in her shoes, Haley knew that he would make an effort to pretend to be happy. _

" _I'm really happy for you Nate," Haley said with a smile that never quite reaches her eye.. _

"_I know that you're less than thrilled about all of this, but thank you. Thank you for being happy for me. I haven't told anyone this yet, but I'm kind of scared about going away. It's my first time spending a summer without you or Lucas. Not only that, but I'm scared about just the possibility of not living up to expectations. But your support, it means everything to me. So thank you."_

_Haley was blown away by his speech but she didn't say anything. _

"_I'll miss you when you're gone," Haley said, squeezing his hands reassuringly. She was going to be okay. He leaves all the time but she is always okay. This time wasn't going to be different._

_Like always, Nathan doesn't say anything back. But Haley already knows that he will miss her too._

Haley James stood among the crowds of people who have gathered for Lucas' post graduation party. She stood in the middle of all those people clad in a simple, white Badgley Mischka gown that clung to her body in all of the right places. It was a beautiful strapless gown with a plunging neckline that revealed just the right amount of cleavage leaving her irresistibly classy. Though Haley was of a slight disadvantage when it came to her height, she wasn't like some girls who always found the need to wear high heels. Today, she wore a simple pair of gold sandals that accentuated her deep burgundy toes. She looked every bit of the goddess that she was. There really was no surprise as to why people were always flocking to her.

Among the people that were surrounding her at the moment, Haley almost gasped as she saw a glimpse of dark hair and cobalt blue eyes staring her down. When she looked back, the image that was haunting her dreams almost every night disappeared.

As if sensing her uncomfort, Lucas began to scan to room as if he were looking to find whatever it was that was making her feel uneasy. From across the room, Haley made brief eye contact with Lucas, who gave her a small reassuring smile. Lucas always had a gift for knowing the exact time to save her. He excused himself from his friends and walked over to her, taking her away from the crowd that was causing her to hallucinate.

Though Haley was grateful for having such a wonderful best friend who knew her so well, her appreciation form his friendly characteristics were now being overshadowed by her appreciation for his strikingly handsome physical attributes. Over the years, Haley had grown accustomed to Lucas dressed in a casual pair of basketball shorts and one of his many t-shirts but she had to admit that when he needed to, he cleaned up very well. Haley guessed that he was wearing a suit from the always classy Giorgio Armani spring line. Over the years, she knew that Armani was always Lucas' choice of fine clothing. Since Lucas' dad was the mayor of Tree Hill, Lucas was always had the luxury of being able to dispose money at his fingertips the way Haley was able to.

"You're looking very beautiful tonight," he says sincerely as he made his way easily through the crowd which seemed to have parted for him. Lucas placed his hand on the small of her back and began leading her towards the quieter section of his house.

Just before they turned the corner, Lucas made sure that they were completely hidden before he pulled her close and kissed her passionately on the lips. Haley gasped in surprise but managed to respond back to his kiss just before he pulled away.

He smiled lazily at her and she smacked him lightly on the shoulder.

"What was that for? Someone could have seen."

"What? I've wanted to do that since I saw you across the room earlier. And frankly, I don't really care if they see."

Haley should have been worried about his growing affection towards her. If he said that to her a couple of weeks ago, she would have freaked out. But right now, his words did not intimidate her in any way. She was actually comforted his show of emotion.

So instead of flinching or freaking out, Haley surprised the both of them as she stood on her toes to give him a light kiss on the lips before grabbing his hands and dragging him towards the den where she assumed that all of her other friends were.

Haley wasn't surprised to see that Brooke, Peyton, Mouth and Skillz were already comfortable occupying the den in which Lucas had led her to. She also wasn't surprised to see the collections of empty cocktail and champagne glasses that were scattered among the tables in the room. Her friends loved to drink. Mouth was the only one who would sometimes refuse to, since he was always more responsible than the rest of them. But that was the reason why he was loved by all of them.

"So this is where the real party is," Haley noted as she walked in the room, still holding on to Lucas' hand. It was an intimate display of affection but no one noticed anything out of the norm.

Brooke's smile grew huge as she noticed the sudden appearance of Lucas and Haley. "Damn right, this is where the party is!" she said enthusiastically in such a Brooke-like manner that caused Haley to laugh.

"So Lucas, how does it feel to be done with high school?" Mouth asked. "Because I, I am feeling _good._"

"Hey, I'm feeling you, dawg. Four years in this hole called Tree Hill and we have finally been given the golden ticket out. I don't know about y'all but I'm getting wasted tonight!" Skilled said, taking another champagne glass. Unlike Mouth and Lucas, Skillz had already discarded his jacket and his tie. He was definitely not as reserved as Mouth and Lucas were at times.

The girls all pouted while the guys laughed at the same time.

"I think you guys are forgetting that we're still in high school, you insensitive assholes," Brooke said scowling.

Lucas laughed at this and sat down next to her, placing an arm on her shoulder while stealing her drink away from her. Normally, Brooke would have protested to this but given that the party was in Lucas' honor and that she was already too lightheaded to care, she didn't say anything.

"Well, then how does it feel to be the queens of the whole entire school?" he asked in an effort to please three of his favorite girls.

Though Haley would always hold a special place in his heart given how their bond was so much stronger than his bond with Brooke and Peyton, he had to admit that they all fascinated him to no end. They each had the own sparkling personality matched with striking good looks. Though there was a point when he had been interested in both Brooke and Peyton, Lucas learned the hard way that there was no way he could choose between the two of them since he found both of them to be completely amazing. It was too hard of a decision to make so he decided that they were better off as friends. Still, since Lucas mainly kept in company with three of the hottest girls in town, he was the envy of many, many guys.

Peyton pretends to be offended. "Tell me something that I don't know. Ever since we were freshmen, we were already ruling Tree Hill."

Lucas was about to throw in a comeback but he was interrupted by Haley, "Well, to be officially ruling all of Tree Hill, that sure feels damn good."

Haley took a sip of her watermelon martini and wondered for a second what her friends would do without her voice of reason. Sometimes, they were too passionate and strong-willed for their own good. An outsider would have thought that their equally stubborn personalities would sooner or later signify the end of their relationship but so far, it had proved to be only a minor disadvantage.

Lucas threw her a secret smile, thanking her for interrupting and putting in her rational two cents. Then he stood up and excused himself from the rest of them. "I should go socializing for a little bit.

"You go out there and be a good host," Haley says teasingly while blowing him a kiss in his direction.

-------

As Lucas headed out towards mass number of teenage high school kids and some college kids as well, he noticed a familiar looking build standing by the doorway. Just like how Haley once stood out among everyone else in the room with her demanding presence, this young man was demanding the same amount of attention. Heads were turning his way and already, some of the more brave girls were approaching him with drinks and sweet smiles but he seemed to be looking for one thing. As soon as Lucas' blue eyes met the blue eyes of this stranger that he hadn't seen since they were kids, he knew exactly what he was looking for.

Ignoring the many greetings that were thrown his way as he walked past some of the people that he has spent four years of his life with, Lucas walked towards the handsome stranger that was gracing his doorway.

His arrival signified trouble of all sorts but Lucas ignored this fact for now.

"Hey, little brother."


	3. Chapter 3

Cause I don't shine  
If you don't shine  
Before you go  
Can you read my mind?

_Nathan Scott calmly took in the scene of all the older adults and children that had showed up to his going away party. It was the weekend before he was going away to High Flyers and his father had insisted that a congratulatory party was in order._

_Even though Nathan was growing quite fond of parties, he had to admit that this party was completely dull. His dad had the best intentions for him but sometimes he went over the top, especially when the issue at hand was related to anything basketball._

_For being a small town, Tree Hill was filled with rich and influential people. Nathan's father was the one of the most influential out of all of these people. So when Dan Scott had announced that he was throwing a party in the honor of his son's future basketball career, everyone who was anyone showed up. _

_Nathan had to admit there were quite a number of interesting people at his party whom he would have liked to talk to. His little brother, Lucas, was surrounded by two girls that he recognized to be Peyton and Brooke like always. Nathan smirked at the way both were obviously falling hard for Lucas. He almost wished that he could stay around just to watch all of the drama unfold between that disastrous love triangle._

_Another one of his brother's friend, a scrawny and somewhat geeky kid by the name of Mouth walked past him, every once in a while glancing over his shoulders to watch Brooke and his brother. It was so painfully obvious to everyone but Brooke how much this boy liked her._

_There were plenty of people to socialize with at the party but Nathan Scott was only in the mood for socializing with one person. He could already tell by the lack of electricity that he felt whenever she was present in a room at the same time that he was that she wasn't anywhere to be found._

_It didn't take him long before he knew sort of by instinct exactly where she was. He always knew where to find her. Ever since they were little, the small beach house that Nathan's parents owned had become their own private getaway whenever they wanted to be alone. _

_Haley was sitting alone underneath one the life guarding towers immersed in her own thoughts before she heard him walking up to her. She greeted him stoically, not allowing him to see any of the emotions that she was feeling at the moment. She was bitter. She was angry. She was confused and lonely. And she would be damned if she would let him know any of this. Haley refused to send Nathan off feeling like he was obligated to stay and try to make her happy._

"_You're not at the party," he noted as he sat down next to her, digging his toes in the sand. He didn't know what else to say so he just said the first thing that popped up in his mind._

_There was no need for her to answer him. Instead, she just leaned into him, placing her head between his neck and his shoulder, a secret comfort cushion that shielded her from anything outside of the reality that she built for herself when she was in her utopian land. Although they were both restless people, they found their center of all things calm whenever they were together. There could have been storms of emotions thrashing violently on their exterior but at, the center of all that chaos was a sense of comfort that they both openly reveled in. _

"_I remember when I first met you, Nathan. I hated you. I thought you were an arrogant little brat."_

_Nathan smiled, taking in the scent of her hair mixed in with the salty ocean water on that warm summer night. There wasn't much that he needed besides what he had right next to him._

"_You had wanted me to come in and keep you company. You were so cute in that dress of yours that I almost would have, if you weren't acting like such a damn princess."_

"_And then you kept on playing with that stupid, insipid basketball of yours. I remember being so mad because you kept on bouncing it while you were making fun on my 'cute' dress. I remember wanting to throw the ball at you so that you would stop."_

_Nathan laughed. He placed one hand over her shoulder pulling her close to him. He always liked the way her tiny body fit against his. It never failed to amaze him how well they fit together._

"_You didn't want to throw that ball at me, hales. You actually did. You stomped up to me with your face all pink and you grabbed away my ball. Then you took the ball and threw it with surprising strength and aim at my head. That was when I first knew that you were something special. You weren't like all of the other girls your age. Heck, you weren't like any of the girls my age either."_

_Haley smiled and snuggled in closer to him. He smelled like summer. There were a lot of people who argued that seasons weren't something that couldn't be smelled but Haley begged to differ. Maybe her sense of smell was much more heightened than a normal person but she could tell the difference. Just like how winter smelled like gingerbread, peppermint and cinnamon, summer smelled like Nathan. That was just the way things were for her._

"_And instead of going to your mom and crying like some of the other boys might have done, you looked at me and demanded to know why I threw the ball at your head. You were fearless and confrontational. I knew you never would have hurt me but you were still scaring me."_

"_I could never hurt you."_

_Nathan said this with such sincerity that Haley almost believed him. Too bad almost doesn't really count. Maybe if she could believe everything that he said, they could have a chance at that fleeting fairy tale relationship. But he was leaving. And she didn't even believe in fairy takes. Not for people like them anyway. They were people who were far too complex to be reduced to one of those rainbows and sunshine fairytales. She preferred it this way. Their unlikely story of romance and love wasn't idealistic as the normal tales but it was by far more intriguing than any of those typical Cinderella stories._

"_Nathan, you'll always come back for me won't you?"_

_Nathan takes a second to think about her question. Not because he was trying to figure out the best way to answer her. Instead, he was desperately trying to decipher what she had meant with her carefully selected words. With Haley, it was always about double meanings. When it came to Haley, nothing was ever taken at surface value._

"_I don't think that I could ever leave you. But yes, if one day something takes me away from you, I'll come back for you."_

_Haley shifted away from him so that she could look at him while he was talking._

"_And what if when you come back for me, you find that nothing is the way it was when you left. What will you do then Nathan?"_

_His forehead crinkled up the way it did whenever he was thinking hard. She knew that whatever he had to say was going to come from his heart. Deep down, she knew that everything he said to her came from the heart. But sometimes it was better to pretend to be oblivious to such things._

"_We're so young, Hales. We've got the rest of our lives ahead of us. That day that you threw that ball at my head, I was thrown away by the audacity and courage that you had. You refused to put up with all of my bullshit. I think that was the day that my infatuation with you started. I was so caught up in the web of golden thread that you spun for me and I haven't found the way out yet. I haven't wanted to find a way out yet. No matter what changes in the future, I'll still be yours even if you might not want me anymore. We have the rest of our lives ahead of us and I can promise you that I'll be yours every step of the way."_

_Nathan's speech had left her speechless. Haley blinked away the pool of salty tears that were forming underneath her eyes. She wanted to be angry at him for ruining everything but she couldn't find the strength to. It wasn't healthy how much she cared about him. This boy was going to be the end of her. _

_After she wiped away her tears inconspicuously, she shifted her body so that she was sitting on his lap. She wrapped her tiny arms around his neck and looked into the most piercing cobalt eyes that she has ever laid eyes on. She had no doubt inside that young mind of hers that somehow, someway they would find their way back to each other. That warm sense of comfort was all she needed._

_Haley pulled him closer until their lips were almost touching._

"_I can promise you that in some way, a part of me will always be with you too. But I'm not sure how fair it would be for me to wait around for you. And you, you're going to be so busy pursuing that dream of yours that the last thing I want you to do is waste your time worrying about me. You take care of yourself Nate because I'll be okay."_

_It was Nathan's undoing. He could barely contain himself when she was so close. He moved towards that empty space between them that was keeping his lips from her lips, closing the gap._

_They've kissed before but this kiss was nothing like any of the others. The kiss was filled with heat, passion, love, and promise wrapped together neatly in a controlled fight for dominance between their mouths and their tongues. It left them both completely content and satisfied but at the same, the need for more of each other was something that they couldn't shake off._

_Her lips were unbelievably soft, touching his soul in places that no one else had reached before. He didn't think that anyone could ever reach that place that he only reserved for her even if they tried. When the issue of air had started to make its appearance, Nathan pulled away holding her tightly in his arms._

_He knew with absolute conviction that he didn't need to worry about their future, not when their bond was so strong. Their bond was untouchable even by the powerful concept of time._

--------------------------------------

"Hey little brother."

Despite instinct setting off warning bells in Lucas' head, Lucas walked over to his brother and greeted him cautiously. After pulling away from the brief hug, Lucas folded his arms over his chest. He wasn't going to make this easy for Nathan.

"What are you doing here?"

"Heard about your party all the way from Durham," Nathan replied casually.

By now, the whole entire room had stopped what they were doing in order to observe the interaction between two of the most devastatingly beautiful men in the room. Though there was no similarity between the two besides from the pair of blue eyes that they both were genetically endowed with, they both possessed a sense of power that was not to be ignored. Even though the only similarity that they shared in their blue eyes was the category in which the color was placed in, Nathan's dark blue eyes were much more dangerous and cunning in comparison with Lucas' deep baby blues that were much more safe and careful. Both of the brothers were clouded by such mystery bottled up with such fire and passion that they unknowingly commanded the unwanted attention of many bystanders.

After Lucas had gotten over the initial shock of seeing his older brother at his graduation party, he finally had the sense to take the conversation outside where they could be apart from all of the eavesdropping bystanders.

"I don't have time for your bullshit answers right now, big brother," Lucas said immediately as he found an empty spot somewhere on his driveway. "Why are you here?"

"You know why I'm here, Luke. Same reason as always."

"You don't have the right anymore. You can't just show up here unexpectedly after being gone all of these years."

"Lucas, if you're going to take the time to use my leave of absence against me, I strongly advise you not to," Nathan calmly warned. "There's a lot that you don't know. It would just be wiser if you didn't press that issue any further."

The years had nurtured Nathan into a much more mature and composed character that was hardly recognizable. But Lucas knew better than to be fooled by his display of passive aggressiveness. Though Nathan had changed a lot, there was a reason for why he had decided to come back to Tree Hill. Tree Hill was the place where everything had started for him. All of his passions in life had been nurtured in this small little town. Nathan had come back for a certain girl who had captured their hearts with a force so strong that it was hard to overcome.

"She's not going to be happy to see you."

They both knew who he was talking about. Nathan refused to give Lucas a reply. Truth is, he already knew how hard he would have to work to gain back her trust.

"I'm not going to let you hurt her again. You weren't here, Nate. You weren't the one who watched as she would lose sleep night after night because she believed in you. She believed that you would never break her and you did. You left her. You don't have the right to come back."

"Touching speech, Lucas. You were always the one for extravagant words. I'm here whether or not you like it."

Nathan made a move towards the door but was soon blocked by Lucas' body. Instead of pushing the issue even further, Nathan realized that Lucas still had more to say. He figured that it would be wise to not piss Lucas off even further. He prepared himself for some more harsh words but was genuinely surprised with what had come out of Lucas' mouth next.

"We're not the same people anymore. We're not the same people that you left Nathan. I know you well enough to know that you're not going to go away. But give us tonight Nathan. She's happy right now, don't ruin it."

If Nathan were hurt by Lucas' choice of words, he didn't show it. He really didn't come to stir up any trouble. He had only come back to fix things again. If they needed tonight, he wasn't going to stand in their way. He wasn't the stubborn brat that he used to be. Although Haley had helped to make better that selfish part of him, time had done the rest.

Glancing past Lucas and towards the house behind him, Nathan did not feel discouraged in the least. Though his original plans of stopping by and surprising everyone had been somewhat ruined, he didn't mind. Things were most interesting when they were unplanned anyway.

"I know," Nathan said quietly. "I'll be seeing you around, little bro."

They were brothers by blood so it was hard to have any ill-feelings towards each other. Besides, Nathan was well aware of how close Lucas held Haley to his heart. All those years when he was away, it comforted him to know that haley was safe under Lucas' watch. Even now, he was still relieved to find that Lucas was still protecting Haley. It was going to be quite an obstacle for him to over come but he would find spme way around it. He always did.

Allowing one look back at his brother, Nathan turned around and walked away.

--------------------------------------

Haley walked through Lucas' house searching for the tall, blonde haired boy who made it hard for her to control herself whenever he was within a certain radius of her. She had left the room where the rest of her friends were, complaining of stuffiness. They never suspected anything. She had learned how to be careful a long time ago, when she and Lucas were in jeopardy of getting found out every single time they would disappear together.

"Hey, do you know where Lucas is?" Haley said, stopping a cute guy who she recognized to be one of Lucas' classmates that she helped tutor last year.

The boy smiled at her nicely and told her that he saw Lucas stepping outside. Thanking him, Haley walked past the crowds of people dancing on the floor while ignoring the horny teenagers making out in various corners of Lucas' house.

As soon as Haley was outside, she took a second to revel in the warm night air. One of her favorite things in the world was a summer's night. She loved everything about summer actually. The warmth, the love and laughter. She even loved the smell. Suddenly, she heard low voices talking intensely that had snapped her out of her thoughts.

She couldn't place what they were saying but she recognized the voices. One was a voice that she heard every day. The other voice was a vaguely familiar voice. It was a voice that had once made her heart beat faster whenever she heard it. It was a voice that held so much power over her. Its melodic arrangement of deep and low notes would always cause her to wake up in the middle of the night with shivers running along her spine.

Haley cursed at herself silently for even thinking about the owner of that supposed voice that she was hearing. The boy was no longer in the picture at all. He was a part of the past but for some reason, her mind could not accept this fact. Much to her disliking, she would see glimpses of him everywhere almost all the time. Sometimes, it would be late at night as his ghost would sometimes visit her in her dreams. Other times, it would be when she was wide awake like right now when her mind would again play tricks with her.

Though it was warm outside, Haley suddenly got cold. She wrapped her arms around herself and walked towards the voices, since she already knew that it was probably Lucas socializing with one of his friends.

When she got closer, the voices became more distinct. Her heart began to start racing just like how it would years ago when she had known a boy by the name of Nathan Scott. She prided herself on being well-prepared but this was a time when her practicalities escaped her. She was prepared for a lot of things but not this.

As she rounded the corner of Lucas' porch in order to get to his driveway, she was almost disappointed to see that he was standing there alone kicking a piece of dirt.

Though she wasn't aware of how it was even possible since she had convinced herself a long time ago that Nathan Scott meant nothing to her, Haley's heart dropped when she noticed Lucas standing there alone. She forgot all about her own demons when she noticed his disheveled appearance. He looked so preoccupied and worried that Haley was almost afraid to approach him.

"Hey. You okay? Who were you talking to? I thought I heard voices."

"Haley, I…"

Haley saw something disappearing into the darkness that caught her attention. That walk. That build. She could recognize the retreating figure anywhere. Three years ago, he had walked out of her life for good. Call her pathetic, but him walking away from her was something that she couldn't erase from her head if she tried.

Haley looked up into Lucas' eyes and saw everything that she needed to know in order to confirm her suspicions.

She didn't know what had spurred the reaction in her but she picked up her dress and she ran. She didn't know if she was running away or if she was running towards something. She just needed to keep on running. Haley was scared that if she stopped running, the world might eventually catch up to her.

A/N: So that's it for right now because I'm super, super tired and I've got lots of homework to do. I'll update soon. Please review and let me know what you think because it makes me happy.


	4. Chapter 4

Have I still got you to be my open door  
Have I still got you to be my sandy shore  
Have I still got you to cross my bridge in this storm  
Have I still got you to keep me warm

-Damien Rice

_Though the dramatic events leading up to Nathan's departure were foreshadowing a grand, theatric departure full of hope and heartbreaks, new beginnings and fleeting moments along with promises of all sorts, Nathan's final goodbye was much more placid than one might have anticipated. It was simple. The night before, Karen had thrown a farewell dinner for the stepson that she had developed genuine love and care for over all the summers that he had spent in their home. Nathan's charming personality was one of the things about him that was undeniable. Haley, along with many other people, could testify to this._

_After dinner, the three teenagers had gone out to the beach, laying underneath the night sky simply talking and joking like they were all accustomed to. It had become ritual for them. The night before Nathan left every summer, they would all hang out just how they always did, as if nothing was changing. There was no need for speeches or declarations of any sort because his departure was never permanent. Dramatic goodbyes always __ made it seem as if they were never going to see him again. That was never going to be the case with the three of them. They were bound by a tie that was to be even thicker and harder to penetrate than blood itself._

_The next morning he was gone. Dan, Lucas, and Haley drove him to the airport. The car ride was quiet yet serene. There was none of that awkward silence where no one knew what to say. There was no need for words._

_Sitting in the back seat next to Nathan, Haley almost shivered when she felt his hand reaching for her own hand. She responded instantly by gripping on tightly, while moving closer to him so she could rest her body against his own. When she finally willed herself to look at him, she realized that he was asleep. She smiled at his peaceful form and used one hand to trace his strong, defined jaw line._

_Somehow, she knew that he was aware of her actions even though still he didn't open his eyes. Instead, he just smirked; taking the hand that was caressing his face and kissed it lightly. Haley smiled at this. She drew back her hand and replaced it with her own lips. She kissed him softly and gently, aware that his dad's and Lucas' presence in the car almost made it impossible for them to show affection the way that they desperately needed to._

_When she pulled back, she realized that his eyes were still closed yet that smirk on his lips was as unmistakable as before. God, she loved him. She loved his smirk. She loved the way the corners of his eyes crinkled up when he was looking at her. She loved his dark hair. She loved everything about him._

_Haley held his hand as they walked down to the terminal. He stood there, holding her tight and told her that he would see her later. He didn't promise to call or write because she didn't need to hear that. She just needed to know that she would see him whenever, wherever. It didn't need to be anytime soon. She would have been happy with just the promise of seeing him whenever their paths would cross again. Already, the roads that they were both traveling on were long, windy and twisty but it was evident that the binding bridges were already being built, placing all of the spots intended for merging into its appropriate place. He kissed her one last time and walked away. She turned around and walked back to everything that she had left. Neither of them looked back at each other._

_It was just her, Lucas and Dan now. They had stood there watching his plane take off. Inwardly, she instinctively knew that he was looking back down on them as well. She smiled sadly, already feeling the void that he had left the moment his hand left hers. It wasn't a surprise that she was missing him already. She was missing him before he even left her._

_She felt Lucas grabbing hold of the hand that Nathan was holding just minutes ago, breaking her out of her miserable trance. His hand did not curl against hers the way Nathan's did. It didn't send shivers down her spine with that same electricity that only Nathan was capable of creating. It wasn't strong or possessive. Instead, it was gentle and comforting. Though her hand was unresponsive at first, she naturally curled her fingers against his. _

_She was feeling safe and at peace, but it was different from the sense of safety and peacefulness that she felt with Nathan. No one was comparable to Nathan. It wasn't even fair for her to be comparing him to anyone else since there was no replacement for the boy with the piercing blue eyes that left her breathless._

_Lucas, the boy that had been her best friend for as long as she could have remembered, was another boy that she could never find a replacement for. Like Nathan, he was one of those rare necessities in her life that she never wanted to lose. He kept her warm, he kept her safe, he kept her happy and content. He did almost all of the things that Nathan did for her, even though he did it with his own equally effective methods._

_He looked down at her and grinned, his infectious attitude affecting her as she felt her troubles being lifted. She knew he had something up his sleeve because she knew him long enough to know when he was keeping a secret from her. This was one of those times._

_"Come on, I want to show you something."_

_She allowed him to take her hand and lead her along. She would have blindly trusted him, never having to worry about him hurting or betraying her. That was what made them so special. She followed him, the anxiety created by his surprise making her forget for the time being about Nathan. She thanked him by squeezing his hand a little tighter, just to let him know that she appreciated his effort. He looked down at her and smiled._

_"Where are we going?" Haley asked as they got in his car._

_"I can't tell you. It would defeat the purpose of a surprise," he said good-naturedly._

_Normally, Haley hated surprises. She always liked to know what it was it that she was in for so that she could be well prepared. But the Scott brothers always seemed to be an exception for her. With them, there was always something new and exciting that was waiting for her around every corner._

_Haley sneaked a glance over at Lucas, who had been playing around with the radio station until he decided to settle on the new No Doubt song. Just looking at him made her heart grow even more fond of his presence._

_She didn't know where he was taking her but as soon as she was able to recognize the scene that was enfolding before her eyes, Haley was taken aback by the simple, natural beauty surrounding her. They were on top of the roof of his mom's café, with the breathtaking view of Tree Hill right underneath them. Haley took a second to admire the view before giving her full attention to the person who deserved it the most in that moment._

_"What'd you Lucas?" Haley asked, surveying the place that he had set up for them on his mom's roof. He had brought everything that she could have possibly needed into that small little space. There was a bookshelf filled with hers and his favorite books. There was a TV, a stereo, a mini golf course, along with lots of flower pots, comfy chairs and pillows. In the center of the space were an acoustic guitar and a keyboard, right next to one of those mini plastic basketball hoops._

_Lucas watched as Haley walked around, admiring everything that he had set up for her._

_"I thought things would have been too different without Nathan around. I know this isn't going to replace Nathan but I thought it would make it a little bit better. So I just compiled pretty much everything that I thought we could entertain ourselves with so that our summer wouldn't be a complete bore. What do you think?"_

_Haley grinned.__ She let herself indulge in the simple comfort of his friendship. She enjoyed the weight of the world being lifted off of her whenever she was with him. Quite simply, Haley enjoyed just being able to smile, laugh and joke with her best friend as if there was nothing else that mattered except for the two of them._

_"What do I think? I think I'm gonna beat your ass at golf is what I'm thinking," Haley teased sticking her tongue out at him.  
_

_His effort to try to cheer her up was heartwarming. It was nice to know that instead of making her pretend that her problem wasn't there, he was smart enough to find the most effective way of helping her cope with Nathan's absence. This wouldn't have replaced Nathan but it was surely the next best thing._

_"Game on, sister. Are you ready to give it all you got? Cause you're going down," Lucas retaliated, grabbing one of the clubs and posing with it dramatically causing Haley to burst out giggling._

_"Oh, you're gonna have to do better than that, mister. There is no way that you can dethrone the like, __reigning mini golf player," Haley said, the smile never leaving her face._

_One of the Scott brothers was managing to surprise her again in the way that they were only capable of. She hadn't expected to be feeling this carefree without Nathan around. She knew that she wasn't going to be sitting around pining for him but she didn't think that she would also be enjoying herself like this so soon. Haley almost felt guilty but when she thought of Nathan pursuing his dreams, she felt the guilt being lifted off her shoulders instantaneously. He would have wanted her to have fun._

_As if noticing her contemplative mood, Lucas dropped his club and walked over to her, reaching out to hug her lightly._

_"You okay?' he asked, placing his chin on the top of her head._

_It always blew her away how in touch he was with her feelings, thoughts, and emotions. She couldn't even fathom where she would be without him. It was that simple.  
_

_"Sure, I'm fine. I was just thinking of Nate," Haley responded quietly. She didn't need to pretend with him because they didn't hide anything from each other.  
_

_"It's okay to miss him, you know. Just a little secret, I'm gonna miss him this summer too."_

_They would both find a way to make it better. _

_"But we got each other."_

_Lucas smiled genuinely, pulling her a little bit closer._

_"Yeah. We've got each other."_

* * *

Lucas watched helplessly as Haley ran towards Nathan. He wanted to tell her to stop. He wanted to hold her back and protect her from all of heartache that was going to wait for her along the road that she was choosing to follow. He wanted to hold her and to promise her of everything that she didn't need. 

For as long as he could have remembered, she had thought that she needed Nathan. She needed everything that he could have offered. But as primary witness to the many events that had been stirring throughout the years, he was convinced that she didn't need him. Lucas just wished that he could show her that.

He sadly watched as she ran after him. Suddenly she stopped. Though he didn't hear anything from his distance, he knew that Nathan knew there was someone behind him because he stopped as well. And then suddenly she was in his arms as if the three years that had separated them had meant nothing. As if the three years that they had spent with each other with nothing standing in their way had been nothing.

Lucas couldn't bear to watch the rest of their reunion. He couldn't watch the one girl that had fascinated him to no end running into the arms of his brother, forgetting that he even existed.

He turned around and willed himself to walk away, with his hands in his pocket because the image of his brother and the girl that he loved was unbearable. Still, he refused to give up on her. He was here when Nathan wasn't. That counted for something. He refused to believe she didn't care about that because if he knew one thing, it was that she wasn't cruel or heartless. Lucas knew with absolute certainty that he held a bigger piece of her heart than Nathan did, just because he had been there when his brother hadn't. That was all he needed to do.

Lucas had made up his mind. He would fight for her with all that he had. He loved his brother but Nathan did not deserve to just come back and take away all that Lucas had worked hard for. He wouldn't stand back and let that happen.

But for now, he walked away. Right now, it was about Haley. And he wasn't going to take away this moment from her.

---------------------------

* * *

It had been three years since the last time that she had seen him. At first, he would write to her every couple of days. And then the letters started gradually decreasing until they just stopped coming. Then she stopped caring as much. She even stopped missing him as much. But she didn't think that she ever stopped thinking about him as much. Like a shadow that was always with her, he was a constant fixture in her life, following her wherever she went. 

She held onto him as if the earth would open up from underneath their feet and take them whole if she would ever release him again. She didn't want to let him go again. She didn't want to have him not by her side again.

Haley was almost afraid that he wasn't real. She was scared that he was a product of her imagination or worse, she was having one of her recurring dreams about him again. She closed her eyes, scared that if she opened them she would find herself in her bed again. Without him.

He had changed a lot over the last three years. She would have loved him even if he looked like the son of Frankenstein but him being so damn hot made it so much easier to fall into his trap again. She hated herself for it but she could never have resisted him. Not then, not now.

"I hope that you're real," Haley said quietly, clutching on tightly to his broad and muscular frame.

It was amazing how after all of these years, just being able to feel his body against hers made all the feelings that she had buried and locked away rise against her own acknowledgment.

"I missed you."

And just like that, the moment was ruined. With just a few words, they were both brought back from the euphoric thrill of seeing each other for the first time in years. His declaration of how he felt brought Haley back into realizing all of the different feelings that he ignited within her as well. She felt too many different things for him that it was confusing even to her complex mind. She missed him but at the same time she wished that he hadn't come back. She was devoted to him but there was someone else that she had to be loyal to. She wanted to hold him for forever but she wasn't willing to let him hold her. Whatever she was feeling in regards to this man that had captured since they were young children, there was also an opposite and even more overwhelming and complicated.

Haley quickly drew back from him, crossing her arms as if that action would spark the rebuilding of the walls that had momentarily crashed due to the surprise of his presence.

"It's not that simple, Nate."

He knew everything he needed to know at the sound of her voice and her carefully chosen words. She was tired of being bound to him emotionally. She was tired of him promising her things only to find that he wouldn't be around to keep his end. Haley was already dead set on moving on without him. This time, she needed a little bit more than he might have been comfortable with offering. He would have given her anything that she wanted just to prove that he would have gladly accepted any of her demands.

"It can be."

Nathan refused to believe that she had already given up on them.

"No, no it can't. Don't you see? Look at me, Nathan. I'm not the same girl that held your hand in that terminal anymore. I can't be that girl because that's not who I am. You don't know anything about me anymore so how can you just expect things to go back the way they were?"

"I might not know what your favorite song at the moment is or where your favorite place to eat is, but I know what fucking matters. I know the real you. Don't you fucking say that I don't know anything about you. I might not know a lot of things but I know the fundamentals of what makes you the person that you are. And that is more than I can say about some of the people in your life right now. I know your past, and that alone entitles me at a chance of getting to know your future."

Haley would have been damned if she let him win. She wasn't going to give in to him. He hadn't cared enough to even send her damn birthday cards, or Christmas cards or anything.

She couldn't open herself up to him again because he would hurt her again. This time when he broke her heart, she would have no one to blame but herself for allowing him a position for him to freely open fire whenever he desired.

"If you cared that much, you should have written more. You should have visited more. I'm not stupid Nathan. I know that you built for yourself a life that didn't include me. I don't know you anymore. And I'm not sure if I want to give you the chance to get to know me either. It would be easier if we just leave us like this."

"I may have built a life for myself but that life is meaningless to me. It's as meaningless as your life is because like you, I built my new life by trying to pretend that my past didn't exist. You might think that you don't know me anymore but I think you're mistaken. You know me well enough to know that it would be impossible for me to go away without a fight. I'm here for good, Haley."

"Until when? Until you get signed by the NBA? Until basketball season approaches again and you're busy all the time with practice? Because the last time you said you were here for good, something else seemed to get in the way. Just don't. Not this time. I can't do this."

For the first time, Nathan was able to see the difference that three years had made on her. The first thing that he noticed about was how beautiful she had gotten. Her hair was much longer now, flawlessly enhancing all of the delicate features on her face. He was also quick to notice how much she had grown, physically and emotionally. It made it that much harder for him to walk away, accepting that his absence in her life had been the final straw in the chain of events that had caused them to drift apart. He didn't know a lot of things, but he knew that this girl was worth fighting for. She was a challenge that he would have gladly endured for.

"Say it again," Nathan demanded, strolling up confidently to her until they were mere centimeters apart. "Tell me again what you want from me."

She tried to walk away but he grabbed her before she was able to take a single step. At the same time, he took a step closer to her and before they were both able to register the sudden change in position, their bodies were touching. He could smell the faint alcohol on her breath mixed in with the intoxicating smell of her perfume. Though he had been home for a while now, being crushed against her body like this was the first time that he really felt at home.

"You don't know what you're doing, Nate," she said softly, her warm breath against his skin almost causing him to squirm. He bent down so that their lips were barely touching. He almost lost the ability to form coherent sentences when he felt her pushing her body against his, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Their breaths were becoming distinctively warmer and moister, and Nathan was finding it so much harder to control himself.

"I know exactly what I'm doing. This is where I want to be. You're it for me, Hales. It's that simple."

Haley's eyes fluttered close, giving Nathan the signal to go in for the kill. He forcefully crushed his lips against hers, closing the incalculable distance that had been separating them both from each other. She didn't respond at first but eventually found herself giving into his advances. She shivered at how good it felt to be back in his arms as if she had never left.

She knew deep down that this was wrong on so many levels. Her brain however, had been expertly deceived into believing that Nathan, with his strong arms and his soft kisses, was what she was craving for all these years. There was a reason for why all of her relationships save one had meant nothing for her. Her reason was standing right in front of her and that was all that she needed.

Haley moaned at the feel of his lips caressing her neck at the same time that his hands were kneading her sensitive breasts. As soon as she felt his hands moving between her thighs sensually, she jerked away immediately suddenly becoming aware of their surroundings.

"Not here. Someone could see," she managed to whisper into his ear while his fingers began stroking the moist opening between her legs, causing her to gasp. She would have lost her resolution right there if he hadn't found the need to pull away and examine her carefully, as if to see for himself what was going to be gone when she decided to rebuild her walls again. He needed to remember everything about this moment that exemplified her carelessness and vulnerability when they would eventually hit those speeds bumps along the way.

"Tell me where to go then."

His words held a hidden meaning that she was able to understand completely. She wasn't sure she could help him to find what it was that he was looking for. He was looking for a way back into her heart and she was sure that she couldn't trust him with something so valuable.

But when he was staring at her as if there was nothing in the world that he needed, wanted or maybe even loved as much as her, she was persuaded for them moment into giving him what he was searching for.

She was careful not to hold onto his hand when she grabbed his wrist and led him along the twisted path to an empty, deserted place where it was okay to not have to worry about heartaches, betrayals, disappointment and loss. It was their sacred temple of worship, secluded and isolated from whatever reality might be awaiting them when they decided to step outside again. They would have to be careful to take advantage of the stolen moments in time that they have been given because their illusion was going to be replaced with the bitter truth as soon as they were forced to open their eyes again.

But for now, they were okay. Everything in their realm of existence within each other was alright. And as long as they had that, they would get along just fine.

-------------------------------------

A/N: Long update, hope you guys like! Thanks for all the reviews so far! You guys are making it so much easier for me to update (even when its super late and I have school super early in the morning).

P.S. Please don't think that Haley is some sort of whore or something because i know that it might seem that way for right now but I swear, it'll make more sense later on.

And like always, review and let me know what you're thinking about this.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Thanks again for all of the reviews so far. I hope you guys like this chapter. I know I should be neutral but this is possibly my fave. chapter yet. So anywhoo, on with the story! Thanks for reading & please review:) **_

**CHAPTER 2:**_**  
**_

**Your mama called she said that you're downstairs crying  
Feeling like such a mess  
Yeah I hear you you're in the background bawling   
What happened to your sweet summertime dress**

**-Amos Lee **

It had been four years since he left her.

It had been four years since she allowed herself to feel anything but bitterness and disdain for the boy who had broken her heart.

Things were not supposed to have worked out this way. No one could have ever expected this. They didn't fight or argue when he had left. When he left, he didn't leave behind feelings of anger or bitterness in her heart. The tragic thing was that he left her with hope and promises. He promised her lots of things. Disguised in with some of these shallow promises was that golden piece of thread that could have both bonded them together permanently or tragically and slowly caused them to unravel.

Her moment of weakness was gone. Now, as Haley stood in front on him waiting for him to say anything, her walls were built up again. She refused to give in to him so easily, not when there was so much at stake. She waited for him to make the first move because quite frankly she had already given up a long time ago when she started realizing that he wasn't going to come back.

And now he was back, when everything was starting to feel good again.

She was unsure of many things but one thing that she knew with absolute certainty was that he wasn't going to hurt her again.

"Don't start shutting me out."

"It's a little too late for that. Four years too late, in fact," Haley says sarcastically, causing Nathan to grimace.

"We were good together. I know you still remember that," Nathan persisted. His blue eyes flashed darkly. She was reminded of how stubborn he could be.

Haley was just as stubborn as he was. She wondered if he remembered or if time had caused him to forget.

"You left Nathan. However good we were together, that's all in the past now."

He shook his head, as if he couldn't believe all of things that he was hearing.

"What were you expecting? If we were as good as you said we were, how come you never called? How come you never visited? How come you never bothered to show that you still cared, that I still mattered? If we were really as good as you thought we were, I wouldn't have to be asking you all of this right now."

His eyes gleamed turbulently, catching her off guard. She had never seen him this angry before to this extent. Being the spoiled brat that he was, she had seen him throw numerous temper tantrums but nothing was ever close to the volatile, dangerous side that she was seeing firsthand at the moment.

"How come you spent the whole entire summer with Lucas, in that fucking, goddamned roof that he set up for you? You wouldn't have even known if I called because you guys were too fucking busy to notice anything else. Did you miss me then when you were with him, Haley? Did you wonder if I was missing you while you were busy playing house with my brother?" he demanded, challenging her to react.

_2 years ago--_

_Winter had come early that year._

_For Nathan, the gloomy city of New York always seemed to emanate a certain animation that always reminded him to winter. Though he would always hold a special place in his heart for the summers in Tree Hill, there was something equally charming about all of the quirks in the city that never sleeps. His hometown was so much different from the place were he would spend his summers but he found it easy to be captivated by the appeals that each town represented and offered. _

_At least, that's what Nathan thought as the city slowly disappeared from the window of his seat on the airplane._

_It had been more than a year since he had been aboard a plane back to North Carolina._

_His reason for returning was the same as the last time._

_He should have come back sooner but for whatever reason, he couldn't will himself to leave until now, almost two years later._

_She was the last thing that he thought of before he let sleep sink its way into his body._

For a second, she felt guilty. Haley felt guilty because she knew that her relationship with Lucas was completely unexplainable. This feeling was short lived. She didn't allow herself to wallow in feelings of regret. She wasn't going to take it as he tried to make her feel regretful for something that he had caused.

They would have still been together if he hadn't left. Whichever way you look at it, that's what it came down to in the end.

Whatever guilt that Haley felt was replaced with anger. For the first time in her life, she was suddenly overcome with such a violent rage that shook her whole body. Who the hell did he think he was?

Her eyes flashed as she raised her arms to strike him but he easily dodged her arms, holding on to them tightly. She quickly observed how his demeanor had changed from regretful and reminiscent to dangerous and powerful in just a matter of seconds.

"Deny it, Haley. Deny the fact that when I left, you replaced me with Lucas," her urged her with such contempt that she nearly looked away. But she couldn't have willed herself to look away even if she tried. It was so hard to not be captivated by him, even as he taunted her into feeling the guilt that he desperately wanted her to feel.

She stared him straight in the eye, "What else was I supposed to do? What other choice did I have? He was all that I had after you left. You ruined fucking everything for me. I couldn't go anywhere without being reminded of you. Every single boy that I talked to never could have measured up to you."

"Is that supposed to justify why out of all the people that you could have chosen, you chose my brother? I'm no fucking idiot, Haley. He was my fucking brother. We share the same fucking dad, the same fucking blood. Out of all of the people that you could have turned to, to forget about me, you choose my brother. Sure, that makes perfect sense!"

_Two years ago, Nathan stepped out of the taxi, admiring the large estate that was now covered in snow. The colorful, tall trees were almost indistinguishable now that the leaves were long gone, revealing the skinny branches that stood out inconspicuously against the pure white snow._

_As he walked up to the doorstep, he felt a wave of excitement mixed with something else that he couldn't quite place. Dread? Anxiety? He couldn't be sure._

_From where Nathan was standing, he could see the kitchen light glowing welcomingly. He walked towards it and wasn't surprised to find that it wasn't locked. No one would have ever dared to leave their doors unlock in New York._

_The first thing that he saw when he entered the house was Karen's warm smile as she greeted him with an affectionate embrace that he was quick to return. She was nothing like his own mother but Nathan could see what his father saw in her._

_She alluded a certain grace that most people lacked these days, one of the few adult figures in his life that he respected even though it wasn't expected of him._

"_Nathan! What are you doing here? I guess Dan just forgot to tell me but, my this is certainly a surprise!" She said, rubbing his cold cheeks in a motherly way. "Are you hungry? I was just about to make dinner."_

_Nathan grinned. He loved Karen's food. It was one of the most missable things about Tree Hill._

"_Don't forget to set the table for an extra person then," Nathan said charmingly, as he winked at her, making her smile grow even larger._

"_You must have quite a following of girls back at home because you've been here for just a couple of minutes and I'm already finding it hard to say no to you." Karen teased before she wandered into her pantry, pulling out some out a variety of different ingredients._

"_Maybe but you know there's only one girl that I want. And speaking of, do you know where she is?" Nathan asked smoothly._

"_Oh, Haley? Yeah, I think she and Lucas were heading out to a movie with a couple of their friends. I didn't hear them leave but I'm sure they're already gone by now," Karen said absentmindedly as she was cutting basil leaves, mixing it in with the garlic on the side._

_The aromatic smells of basil and garlic was another reminded of how much he had missed this place._

"_I think I'm just going to settle myself then. Just let me put all my stuff down and I'll come out and help you," Nathan said, heading out of the kitchen before she had a chance to protest._

She wanted to hurt him. She wanted to say things to him and do things to him to make him feel the way she did when he had broken her. She wanted him to feel the pain. She wanted him to feel miserable knowing he could never have the one thing that he wanted.

She laughed at what he said, slowly and mockingly. His hands that were still holding her wrists clenched harder against her skin but she wouldn't acknowledge that he was hurting her. By now, she had grown used to that feeling of him hurting her. There were no surprises in that category anymore.

"My, aren't we extremely foolish today? Newsflash, Nathan. We were good. We were happy. And then you just had to screw that all up. It wasn't just the fact that you left. It hurt to see you leave, yes, but what hurt even more was how you completely forgot about us. I could have dealt with you not being around. But you disappearing out of my life the way that you did for almost four fucking years? That broke my heart, Nathan. You fucking break my heart and then you just expect me to forget about it? I don't have to apologize for having a relationship with Lucas. That is none of your concern anymore, Nathan. You have no right to expect anything from out of me anymore."

A look of complete disdain crossed his face. He pushed her away roughly, using enough force to show her how pissed off he was but not enough to actually hurt her physically.

Haley stumbled back. Her body felt much colder now that she wasn't as close to him but she ignored it.

_As Nathan was walking up towards the stairs, he felt the unmistakable sound of Haley's laughter jumbled with Lucas' own deep chuckle._

_At first, he was confused because they weren't supposed to be home. Confusion then turned into a feeling that closely resembled jealousy and dismay as he noticed something different in the way that she laughed._

_It didn't sound like they were laughing about a joke between just friends. It seemed like they were laughing at a joke that were only meant for the ears of lovers themselves._

"_Oh come on, you know that isn't fair," he head Lucas muttering from outside the door. The sound of her sweet laughter filled the hallway again and in the midst of it, Nathan could have sworn that he heard faint groaning in the background as well._

_He recognized that he was eavesdropping but he didn't care. He had a right to know what was going on between the girl he loved and his brother._

_He was about to turn the door before he stopped. His hands that was gripping the door had now turned white. _

"_Relax, Lucas. You're just so…tense. Is there anything I can, um, do to relieve all of your stresses?" she asked innocently._

"_Oh, I can think of lots of things for you to do. And none of them have anything to do with you stopping what you're, ahh, doing…fuck, down there."_

_If they could have seen him, they would have seen the raw hurt cross his beautiful face. They could have seen how his eyes grew sad, miserable and disappointed. They would have seen the most crestfallen and heartbroken look that he would try to hard to hide._

_The heat in his body had been sucked out into an invisible power source supplied by rage, anger, betrayal and anything else that a normal person would have felt at the moment, leaving his blood cold. By now, he was almost shaking from the fury and infidelity that possessed his body._

_He wanted to take the door down and barge in on their wrongful union but something stopped him. That would have been the logical thing to do. However, something that Nathan lacked greatly in when he was angry was reason and logic._

_Instead of confronting them, he closed his eyes shut for a moment as if hoping it would all just be a bad dream. This didn't work too well especially since he still maintained use of his ears, making it very difficult for him to ignore the situation._

_And when he finally realized that utter truth about the situation, he walked away. He muttered a quick goodbye to Karen, making her promise to never mention his visit to anyone. He walked out the door and never looked back._

_And then he was gone. He got back to New York and indulged himself in his playboy activities and basketball. This was how his life was going to be from then on. He had regrets but no complaints._

"I'm tired of this. We're getting nowhere with all of this fighting. But you weren't exactly the fucking saint in all of this too. Why do you think I never came back? Why do you think I stopped calling because when every time I did, you were fucking having the time of your life with Lucas? You're so full of yourself. Next time you try to explain to yourself why it's okay for you to be _fucking_ Lucas, try to ask yourself if you ever gave me a reason to come back. And then maybe you can hate me. But I have never hated you. I didn't hate you four years ago when you decided to erase me from your life. I didn't hate you when you were with my brother. I don't hate you when you're trying to hurt me even more than you already did."

Maybe it had happened a long time ago, but Haley realized for the first time how the whole room around them had disappeared and all she could have seen was Nathan.

There was nothing else in her field of vision that lied outside of his accusingly piercing blue eyes, framed by those long, dark lashes that would always tickle her cheeks when they were pressed up against her skin. She saw his thick hair that was almost the color of the dark suit that he was wearing. She noticed his chiseled, handsomely contoured face and wondered if her mind was playing a trick on her because when she looked at his slightly aged form, she didn't see the boy who had broken her heart in what seemed like another lifetime. Instead, she saw the boy who she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with. And in a different realm that wasn't as complicated as this one, they would have been happy.

She felt an inconceivable sadness clench tightly at her heart as the lines of reality blurred into each other for a split second before becoming clearly defined again.

This time, when she looked at him, all she saw was someone who was just as tired as she was.

She was done fighting with him, battling for the power that neither of them deserved.

"Do you love him?" he asks out of the blue.

He was as unreadable as he had ever been. It made her wary, not knowing exactly what he was feeling. She wasn't used to not being able to read him.

"I think so. He makes me happy."

"That doesn't mean you love him."

"You love basketball and that makes you happy doesn't it?" she retorted, although the same conviction that she had earlier in her voice when they were fighting had disappeared.

"Basketball is my escape. And god knows why, but you're my passion. Distinguish for yourself who Lucas is to you and then who I am to you. And then ask yourself which one makes you happier."

"I can't do that." She said this softly and sadly. He almost wanted to hug her and make all of her hurt go away.

"Sure you can. You just don't want to. But you're not going to have a choice. I never fought for you before. Even when we were young, I always had you. And when I should have fought for you, I didn't."

She was quiet still. Her arms were crossed against her long, flowing gown. She looked like a Greek goddess then, with her majestic dress, her natural, radiant beauty, and her soft flowing locks that had darkened with time. It was a change that he liked, one that he was already getting used to.

Seeing her like this made his heart ache to be near her, to bring her back to him as if she had always belonged to him and him alone. In a second, he had crossed the room to where she stood, holding her face gently in his hands. Up close, she was much more beautiful than he could ever truly understand. Her chocolate colored eyes looked up him, displaying uncertainty and wariness.

"It could be different this time." He stated simply.

She listened to him but she wasn't foolish enough to believe. Instead of arguing with a comeback of her own, she just nodded. She nodded and she let him hold her for the moment. She denied it but sometimes she just missed having him hold her. Now that he was back she let herself make just one exception for him because she needed it then.

So she let him wrap his arms around her, caressing her back lightly causing her to shiver in his grasp.

She needed to give herself this moment of peace and calm before the storm would eventually gather upon their sandy shores.


End file.
